Frustration: Can it be fuel for better Leadership and better Business?

Frustration: Can it be fuel for better Leadership and better Business?

By PJ Stevens

Frustration.

We’ve all seen it, heard about it and undoubtedly felt it. We can get annoyed when things move too slowly, when people don’t do what they promised, when conversations go round in circles, when people ghost us, markets regs shift or when the plan and the reality simply don’t match. It happens to leaders, senior teams and staff at every level, and at the moment, it seems to be happening more and more.

But here’s something to consider, frustration isn’t a sign of weakness, as some might think. It’s more often a sign that you care, that something matters enough to provoke an emotional response. And handled well, frustration can be a valuable leadership tool.

In challenging markets, with cost pressures, conflicting demands and teams under strain, shifting markets and ghosting being rife, frustration is everywhere. But how you lead yourself and others through frustration is what can separate leaders who unlock performance from those who unintentionally create more conflict, waste and cost.

This article shares five practical tips to help you turn frustration into fuel. Use them yourself, share them with your team or build them into your leadership development.

What is Frustration?

Frustration is most often thought of as a negative emotion that arises from the inability to achieve a goal, fulfill a need or overcome an obstacle, leading to feelings of anger, disappointment and annoyance. It’s perhaps the tension between where we are and where we want to be.

In business, frustration shows itself when, for example…

• things move too slowly

• communication breaks down

• expectations or needs aren’t met

• decisions get stuck

• accountability is unclear

• teams feel overloaded or unheard

Which one(s) caught your attention or triggered an emotional response?

The key point to consider is that frustration , in its pure sense, isn’t bad.

Frustration is information that tells you something’s off, misaligned, unfair or currently out of reach maybe. In fact, frustration often appears just before a breakthrough, a phrase I heard many years ago at a conference with Tony Robbins, and is often the emotional pressure that pushes people to want something better.

If people were indifferent, you could argue you have a much bigger problem.

The value of frustration

Used well (eg emotional intelligence, leadership etc), frustration is a powerful emotion and energy, most usually because it signals that something matters, energy and ambition are alive (if not well) and that people care enough to want improvement or to change something.

For leaders and teams, frustration can help you to…

• Expose what’s not working, and therefore prompt problem solving

• Drive urgency and improvements with good intent

• Spark the opportunity for honest conversations and debate

• Fuel motivation and mobilise change

Handled with awareness and emotional intelligence, frustration becomes a catalyst, in effect, to help you identify what needs attention, gives you a reason to discuss it and can create momentum for progress.

The downsides (eg when frustration turns toxic)

Sadly, I have seen this a number of times over the last year or two, probably because or why I get called in, because left unmanaged, frustration can quickly become corrosive and costly, especially in senior teams. If unattended to, it turns into the likes of…

• blame

• cynicism

• accusation

• disengagement

• defensiveness

• silos or divisions

• and even power plays

When leaders get frustrated with each other, cracks can emerge and you can see and feel the distance grow. Trust is often the first thing to erode, and you may notice people taking sides, and wasting time and energy on more noise, and not on the needed and often desired progress.

Leaders are the most watched population in the business. When staff see leaders visibly irritated, angry or sniping at each other, they often read or interpret that as instability, immaturity or… ‘I should keep my head down’.. And this can slow or even derail change, projects or performance surprisingly quickly.

So yes, frustration is useful, but only when you lead it, understand it and attend to it. But ‘beware’, do not let frustration lead you.

Turning frustration into fuel: five practical tips

Here are five simple, usable tools to help you lead yourself and others through frustration more effectively. Try them, share them, let me know your results and feedback....

1. Name it, don’t dump it.

Try saying …’ I feel frustrated because…’’

Don’t say: “You’re not listening.” Or “If only your department had done X.”

Naming your own emotion helps:

• depersonalise the issue

• stops blame

• reduces ego

• creates a shared ‘us vs the problem’ dynamic rather than ‘me vs you’

When leaders label the emotion rather than projecting it, things tend to get easier. It opens the door to better and creative thinking, more useful conversations and problem solving.

2. Look for the message behind the emotion.

Ask yourself… 'What’s my frustration really telling me?”... and note the response.

Often, it highlights:

• a values clash

• unclear priorities

• a blocked process

• unmet expectations

• a capability gap

• something that needs fixing

For leaders, this honesty is essential for personal and professional growth. Sometimes frustration means you need:

• coaching

• better communication

• clarity

• a facilitated team session

• or to make a decision you’ve been avoiding

Frustration can be a useful teacher….. listen to it.

3. Pause before reacting.

Frustration is emotional energy and its important to recognise that, use it, manage (lead) it but don’t leak it. Before you respond, try this…

• breathe

• take a short walk

• get some oxygen ( your brain performs better with it)

• step back long enough to regain composure and clarity

A small pause can transform the quality of the decision (response) you’re about to make.

Leaders who react instantly can often regret it, whilst leaders who respond thoughtfully tend to get better responses and associated benefits.

4. Turn frustration into curiosity.

Instead of thinking or saying… “Why is this happening again?’

Try these….'What can we learn from this?’, 'What’s the value here?’....“Wheres the opportunity for us?’... or 'What’s really going on in the system?’

Curiosity diffuses tension and it gives rise to creative conversations and it makes problem solving easier. Curiosity can help shift you from irritation to a place of insight, and that not only desirable its valuable in the business and culture. High performance teams thrive on curiosity, its how they grow, adapt and innovate.

5. Model calmness consistently.

Staff don’t need to see leaders angry or ‘pi**ed off’, even if that’s how you feel inside. They prefer to or need to see leaders who:

• stay composed

• focus on solutions

• keep perspective

• communicate clearly

• show confidence (without arrogance)

Calm(er) leadership means being authentic and grounded rather than being robotic.

May be use this style of phrase ( recreate in your words) …. “This is tough, I’ve not experienced it before, but let’s work through it.’

This kind of presence and emotional intelligence will help you  build trust, and trust builds performance and so on.

Leading through frustration

Better leaders learn to recognise and channel frustration as opposed to hiding frustration.

They use it to….

• spot what needs attention

• energise improvement

• encourage honesty

• and create momentum

When a senior team can talk openly about what’s frustrating them - without ego, blame or politics - something powerful happens in the business and culture. When leaders connect and commit, the business feels it to. You might notice benefits, such as …. Alignment deepens; focus sharpens; progress accelerates; people feel safer; decisions get better; performance goes up.

So in essence frustration can become fuel.

If you’re frustrated in your business right now…

It means you care, it means something matters and that likely, it means you are ready to change. Just don’t let frustration leak into conflict, waste or poor decisions because this can negatively effect culture which can lead tio longer term issues and compound the waste.

The SAS talk about grip self, grip team and grip task, in that order. Given this, lead yourself first.Then lead others through it with improved clarity, calmness and intelligence. If you cant lead self, you can’t lead others, and therefore there’s little or no chance of leading the project or task.

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If you want help turning frustration into performance, improvement and momentum, I can offer a number of services, including a couple of exceptional coaching offers….

On-demand Coaching

A monthly fee that offers fast, practical support when you need it – on demand – whether it’s a ten min quick chat or a scheduled hour or so.

The 100-Day Accelerator

A focused, high impact programme to help new to role leaders, high performers, or leaders and teams that might be a bit stuck, to improve performance, reduce hurdles and build the habits that drive results.

If you or others are experiencing frustration in your business, let’s turn it into something useful before it turns into something expensive.

Send me a message and let’s get started.