Beginners in Disguise
Experts, Beginners and the Coaching Trap…. why Matching the Domain matters as much as matching the Person
Every so often, life hands you a lesson that you really didn’t see coming…. one of those lessons came recently in a conversation with my son.
We’d fallen out, we’d had a proper head‑to‑head, with raised voices and tears. He’s a bright 16‑year‑old, he was head boy, he’s a strong competitive swimmer, volleyball player, he’s reserved but confident, capable… and still, in many ways, my son is still a child, a young person learning about himself, life, friends etc.
A new situation had come up in his life. Something emotionally unfamiliar to both of us actually. He wasn’t handling it particularly well so I got involved, tried to help and in doing so… we clashed pretty hard.
Later, we talked it through, and he was great….He told me that I treat him as if he’s advanced at everything. Even in domains where he’s a complete beginner eg special relationships, new social dynamics and some emotional firsts. He didn’t use the language of ‘domains’, he talked about levels and positioning.
Turns out, he’s right… I recognise what he was saying, and had not realised.
In essence, I coached the person, not the domain. I’d coached the status, the 16‑year‑old head boy, the national volleyball team player, not the beginner navigating new emotional relationships.
I think this is both a valuable parenting insight, and perhaps an even more valuable leadership one?
The Four Domains of Development, using Skiing as a metaphor for Growth
If you’ve ever learned to ski, you know the journey:
Beginner → Intermediate → Advanced → Expert
Each level has different emotions, expectations and needs, and each level requires a different type of coaching approach.
Beginner insights
Emotion: Uncertain, self‑conscious, hopeful, don’t know what I don’t know, unconscious incompetence.
Need: Safety, clarity, repetition, fun
Expectation: Show me. Stay close. Don’t overwhelm me.
Intermediate insights
Emotion: Growing confidence, occasional frustration, conscious incompetence, things might be harder than I thought, and realise it can hurt.
Need: Feedback, stretch, encouragement
Expectation: Let me try. Help me refine.
Advanced insights
Emotion: Confident, curious, sometimes complacent, conscious competence, I know what I know
Need: Challenge, autonomy, higher order thinking , need to work hard to improve
Expectation: Trust me. Push me. Don’t micromanage.
Expert insights
Emotion: Flow, mastery, pride, impatience , unconscious competence, I’m not necessarily aware of what I know, ego
Need: Insight, sparring, strategic challenge, peer to peer growth, personal evaluation
Expectation: Treat me as an equal, an expert, help me see blind spots.
These levels exist in skiing as an example but they also exist in leadership, relationships, communication, emotional intelligence, creativity, conflict, feedback, change and team dynamics.
People are not necessarily good or bad, but they are at different levels in different domains.
The Coaching mistake Leaders make
Most leaders and managers - assuming they coach at all - coach the role, not the domain, and expect likewise.
They assume that the…
Legal SME is advanced at leading people.
Technical Expert is advanced at communication.
Surgeon is advanced at collaboration.
CFO is advanced at emotional intelligence.
Senior Partner is advanced at coaching their team.
But expertise does not transfer. A person can be an expert in one domain and a complete beginner in another. I saw a surgeon having fly fishing lessons recently, for the very first time, he insisted he would be good, despite being a complete beginner. As it turned out he struggled to slow down and be present.
When leaders coach the wrong level, things can go wrong or even break.
Coaching a Beginner like an Expert
They can panic, feel stupid and lose confidence. They avoid risk, may feel overwhelmed and even stop trying and quit.
Coaching an Expert like a Beginner
Experts can disengage. They may feel patronised, lose respect, and they may become cynical… and stop listening.
Mis‑matched coaching can cause friction, frustration and underperformance in organisations. However, heres a problem...
The Ego Problem…. Experts often struggle at being Beginners (particularly in work)
This is a potentially challenging yet useful leadership trap to be aware of.
Experts can carry ego, identity, status, fear and reputation. They’re used to being competent, top dog, being right , being seen as expert and used to being respected. So when they enter a new domain such as team leadership, emotional intelligence, coaching others, conflict resolution, creativity or change, they don’t (want to) feel like beginners, even though they are.
Be aware that because they don’t feel like beginners, they might resist beginner level coaching or training. They may want autonomy, challenge, strategic conversation but perhaps what they actually need is:
Clear instruction
Demonstration
Practise and repetition
Permission to try something new and even be clumsy
This is why so many Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) struggle when they become leaders. They’re experts in the technical field whilst being beginners in the human domain of leadership. The gap comes when they’re coached as experts because of their status, but when it comes to leading people, they are beginners and may have a real challenge with that.
Matching the Domain - a Leadership (coaching) Skill
It’s a skill of leadership when coaching some one to think about the person and the domain they are in at that moment.
A Legal Whizz learning to lead a team might be beginner team leader. A Senior Partner learning to give and receive feedback might be an intermediate. A CFO learning emotional intelligence might be reluctant cynical beginner. A brilliant engineer learning to influence might be advanced. You get the idea….
When leaders and coaches match the domain its likely that the person / people will more likely feel seen, which gives rise to increased confidence, learning, performance and as the ego softens this can better enable the culture to develop and people see the human in the person come out, partic if it’s some one senior.
In my experience, this can be transformational for the individual, their team and even the business.
The Lesson my Son showed me….
He reminded me that people deserve coaching that fits the moment they’re in, not the reputation they carry. He reminded me that expertise is contextual. That growth is often uneven and that confidence can be fragile. And that humility is essential and kindness matters. All of which I can and do forget, particularly, as i happens when i parent a person i love and admire.
He reminded me that we are all beginners somewhere in life no matter how experienced, skilled or competent we think we are in other areas of our lives.
Perhaps this is a final reminder that learning and growing, is being human.
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Question...
Which of your leaders are experts in one domain… but beginners in another?
If you can name one, they’re probably perfect for my 100‑Day Coaching Programme created to help new‑to‑role leaders, team leaders and managers grow quickly, more confidently, usefully and minimising unnecessary (costly) mistakes. If you’d like to explore it, let’s have a conversation.
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